sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He shit in the fireplace
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
