Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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