I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
