living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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