We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
