I'm jealous of your bromance
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
