We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm both gender and math confused
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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