i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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