He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't deserve a penis
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
