good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize