That's intense
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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