tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
