I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i think i just lost a toe
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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