I'm going to jail i love you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
