I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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