She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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