and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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