It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
