there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
