also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
