He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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