Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
