i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
