NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
