not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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