My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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