Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
