I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
