one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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