I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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