Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
