I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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