my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
