idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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