He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
