Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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