eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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