I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
