no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
