so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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