i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
