Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
