if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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