That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
