i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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