it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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