What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Drunk is a universal language darling
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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