What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
FUCK WHALES
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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