he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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