distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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