can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize