it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
