She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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