Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
