some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize