How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
