im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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