My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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