Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
