I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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