I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
