I'm really into asian looking animals
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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