Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
