I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
