Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
