I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
