sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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