Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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