When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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