since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
