the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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