ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
