We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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