Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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