cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
