Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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