I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize