God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
