I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
