allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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