just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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