It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
