why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
