Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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