and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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