Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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