Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Someone came in the potted fern
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
