I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
