My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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