Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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