So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
