: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
