My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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