Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
