ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
