She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
