And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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