ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
