wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
