She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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