do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
