i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
