I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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