I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize