I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
