What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
