There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
