my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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