i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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