And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
