Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
