My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Come see our sink grown plant.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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