It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
