her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
